I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
