whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
