I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
