the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
