It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
