I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
