He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
