I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
