Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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