I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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