did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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