My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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