thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
