Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
