Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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