she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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