im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
