Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
