I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
smell my finger.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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