Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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