what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
