I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
