I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
