ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
