id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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