Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
