I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
