Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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