he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
