so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
