do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
