ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
