Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
