She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize