im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
