So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
