Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
