She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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