Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Duck Duck Cougar?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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