She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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