my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
