my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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