I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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