I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
