Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
