Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I looked at my own cervix.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk is not a location!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
