My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
