1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
