Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
