I will die if light touches me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We need to rekindle our bromance
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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