i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
