exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
