When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this just has baby written all over it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
