Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
nutella sex= disaster
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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