I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
