i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
