shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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