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i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize