Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
