Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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