In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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