She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
