Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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