you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
