I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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