It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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