Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
