Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
