I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
