I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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