Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
