I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
