we have pet lesbian snakes
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
