So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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