I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
