Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
