he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
