The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dicks are not precious.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
