with your own penis?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
