i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize