I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
