Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
