Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
