DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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