You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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