he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
