I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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