If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize