According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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