She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
