My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
