you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
