Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize