I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
