is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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