Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
