she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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