the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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