When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
