either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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