i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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