Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
love makes seman taste better
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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